White Trash Moms Unite!

Less than a month from now my little guy starts preschool. I'm freaking out. Just a little bit. It's a huge milestone. This is the moment that begins my life as a School Mom. Well, that's what my neighbor has begun calling me. Not to be confused with schoolmarm of course. Suddenly, Little House in the Prairie episodes are popping into my head.

I had a point, but what was it? Oh yes, I am now the mother of a preschooler. This is the beginning of Dawson's school career. Visions of art projects, school fundraisers and volunteer activities are dancing through my head.

But after reading The White Trash Mom Handbook, and laughing at The White Trash Mom's clever jokes, I know a little bit more about what to expect. When the Parent Bloggers Network asked if I'd like to read the book by Michelle Lamar (with Molly Wendland), I jumped at the chance.

All mothers struggle with the idea that they must be perfect, but there are some mothers who take perfection to a whole new level.

I know you've seen the moms who sign their kids up for soccer, dance lessons, art classes and music lessons. They can bake a perfect cake and claim they didn't slave all night long as they frosted it.

They're the ones who look like they just stepped out of In Style magazine, and their children are walking ads for Gap Kids. Did you know these moms have a name? They do! They're called The Muffia. Oh mah gawd. It cracks me up. Here's the White Trash Mom's definition of Muffia:

Mean and snobby mothers who usually run the school your child attends. Being a part of the Muffia is being mean and not being real. It's about keeping up a totally bogus and stupid standard of perception that is unrealistic. It is taking motherhood and making it a spectator sport.

After I read those words I fell in love with the book and couldn't put it down. Michelle, aka White Trash Mom, takes a humorous glance at the world of PTA meetings and Bake Sales, but she offers realistic advice for the parents who are less than perfect -- because we all know perfect doesn't exist.

Despite the name of the book, it's not about double-wides and trailer parks -- unless we're talking about Trailer Trash Turleen (and you'll have to read the book to learn about her. It's too good to give away here). In a world that expects mothers to look like Angelina and still bring home a six-figure salary, the White Trash Mom offers sane advice for navigating the politics of elementary school and beyond.

After preschool, we moms are drafted to the "Big Leagues" also known as elementary school, and White Trash Mom offers advice for communicating with teachers, volunteering at your child's school, how to deal with the Muffia and how embarrass your kids as little as possible.

She touches on the topic of Fake Bakin' (no, not artificial tanning) which is the art of transforming store-bought baked goods into "home baked" masterpieces (her recipe for Caramel Brownies is so clever I'm wishing I'd have thought of it myself), she dishes on how to make friends with other White Trash Moms, and offers sane strategies for helping out at your child's school without losing your mind, as well as ways to tackle obstacles at work when it comes to your kids and school events.

Now, some readers might be offended with some of these hilarious suggestions, but I'm telling you it's only because they lack a sense of humor. I mean really, how can you not laugh at the Fake Purse Escape:

If you work in an office situation, there are coworkers and supervisors who love to take note of when you arrive and leave the office. If you are faced with people who love to keep track of who comes in late and leaves early, use my tried and true "fake purse" idea.

Buy and additional purse to keep in your desk. If you need to leave before the stroke of 5 p.m. to get your children or take someone to the doctor, leave the fake purse on your desk or hanging on your chair. Have your desk a little messy. You want it to look like you'll be right back.

I could divulge more hilarous tidbits of this book, but then you wouldn't read it -- and you MUST read it. Oh, the laughter! I can't tell you how many goofy looks my husband gave me when he saw the title of the book as I was reading.

Get thee a copy of the White Trash Mom Handbook. If you're a less than perfect mom (I know I am), this humorous book is for you!